Change

Have you ever woken up one day and realized you’ve changed? That all of a sudden you no longer appreciate things that once made you whole?

That happened to me over the past few weeks, and now I’m not sure I recognize myself.

I just took an epic trip to the East Coast full of amazing friends and experiences. In just a little over a week, I officiated a wedding, met a host of lovely new people, and saw a Broadway play. I walked along the beach, had deep, important conversations, and actually started to like Connecticut (which is a really big deal because it was one of my least favorite states before this trip). 

Most importantly, though, I realized some very important things about myself. Firstly, I have incredible people in my life. No, seriously. They are truly marvelous.

Friends I hadn’t seen in years asked me to perform their wedding ceremony. And instead of allowing me to be endlessly appreciative of extending me this vast honor, they kept thanking me for doing it! One of my closest friends and I finally got to travel together after twelve years of friendship. Another friend flew all the way across the country just because I was going to be out there so we could spend the week together.

Friends at home kept texting me because they missed me and wanted me to come back. The entire week made me feel loved, valued, and appreciated in a way that I would feel every day if I spent more time being grateful and less time worrying about silly things.

The second thing I learned on this trip is that I do not want the same things I used to want. Since I was 19, traveling was a huge part of me. In fact, “traveler” was a term I used to describe myself on many occasions. Even though this recent trip was amazing, I didn’t love the act of traveling as much as I once did.

Every flight I took landed early. There were no particularly annoying passengers on any of the planes. I watched movies or television shows to make the time go by faster. All in all, these were some of the best flights I’d ever had, but I still wished I was doing anything else.

I stayed in some crappy hotels and some really nice places, and I just wanted to be sleeping in my own bed. I had a continental breakfast that someone else prepared, but I just wanted to be in my own kitchen whipping up some eggs and fruit.

I took a commuter train and the subway. I used to love sitting on trains and listen to music while watching the scenery and other passengers. It never bothered me to have to take the subway and walk a bit instead of getting in my car and driving to my destination. Maybe it was the fact that I had a cold for a large part of the trip, but I found myself missing my vehicle any time I rode a train.

I’ve always considered myself very adaptable and could picture myself living in most places I visited, but this time I realized that I don’t want city life to be my daily experience. I’m much more interested in a simpler existence.

And lastly, I realized that I have built a life I love. All the pieces might not be exactly in place yet, but it was a life to which I was very eager to return. Maybe that’s why traveling wasn’t as invigorating as it once was; before traveling was a break from the humdrum of my lackluster daily experiences. They gave me a chance to do something exciting and be around people instead of spending too much time alone.

This time, though, traveling just made me even more grateful for what I have and excited to get back to start my next chapter of it. And that’s something very special and important will live in my mind next to all of the other amazing experiences from this trip.