The other day a friend asked me how I stay motivated to work out. Even though I have been exercising pretty regularly since I was 14 (I’m now 32), I had to stop to really think about the answer. The truth was, in all the years of popping in workout DVDs, doing dead lifts at the gym, or sweating my way around a track, I had never once asked myself that question. But knowing why you work out is almost as important as actually doing it.
At first I said, “I just make it a part of my routine and it’s easy to keep doing it.”
“No,” my friend said with a shake of her head. “That’s not what keeps you motivated. I’ve started and stopped working out so many times over the years, but you have always been really consistent with it. What’s your secret?”
I looked around the dimly-lit restaurant and wondered what the people around us would think if they could overhear this conversation. My friend has four children, but she is slimmer now than she was before she started having kids. I am much more on the curvy side and I found myself scrunching up a bit as if to hide my body as I thought about my real answer.
“Well, I guess part of it is that working out gives me the chance to turn my brain off for a while. I overthink everything. Literally everything. And I can kind of escape that when I work out,” I started.
My friend nodded and took a sip of her drink.
“But I don’t think that’s it,” I added. She turned her blue eyes back to me, ready to hear the next part of my answer. “I think that a big part of it is that I don’t want people to look at me and automatically think that I don’t ever work out. Inside I feel athletic and strong. I know I don’t necessarily look that way, though, so working out is my way to prove it to the world?” It comes out like a question because it’s not really something I’ve ever admitted out loud.
I, like many women in my age bracket, suffer from polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). This complicated name basically means that my hormones are out of whack and that my body does not process insulin the right way. Because of this, my periods have never been regular, I sometimes suffer from cystic acne, and, the hardest side effect for me, it is incredibly hard to lose weight and very easy to gain it.
Compared to some women who have PCOS, I know I have a very mild case. I do not have excessive facial hair and the hair on the top of my head is far from thinning. I do not have diabetes and I do not weigh anything close to 300 pounds. But I also know that my PCOS isn’t as severe as it could be because I spend so much time exercising.
One of the only times I noticed a significant decrease in my weight was when I went to school in Boston. At the time, I lived a mile away from the train, which meant I automatically walked two miles if I went anywhere during the day. Although I didn’t have a step counter back then, I’d estimate that I usually walked closer to seven or eight miles by the time I returned home for the day. A few times a week, I also ran a mile and a half in addition to the miles I walked. To top it all off, I did two Jillian Michaels’ workouts in one day. Although no Jillian workout is easy, my daily routine consisted of two of the most advanced DVDs.
That is an unsustainable amount of exercise to have to do just to see some results. To be fair, I was not really modifying my diet at all, but most people start to see weight-loss results if they just walk more than they normally do. Even with that level of physical activity, I wouldn’t have considered myself “thin.”
Throughout the past few years, I have studied a lot about nutrition. I’m still trying to find the right balance between what I eat and how much I work out. I have made a big effort to cut out certain foods that are bad for PCOS. Like dairy, which I just discovered
I’m allergic to anyway.
The more I thought about why I work out, the more I realized that the answer has many layers. In addition to everything I have already mentioned, working out also makes me feel strong. This strength is not all physical, however. In fact, much of it is mental. When I can successfully complete a workout with crazy moves like burpees, scissor jumps, military-style pushups, and jump lunges, it makes me feel like I can complete other tasks in my daily life. I notice if I skip a few workouts, my confidence starts to slip in other areas.
So, why do I work out? I do it because it’s a part of me and it makes the other parts of me better. I do it because I don’t want PCOS to dictate my life. I do it because, as crazy as it sounds, I find it fun. But mostly, I do it because I believe that I deserve more.
