For Grandpa, with Love

Since I lost my grandpa in 2014, Father’s Day has been a rough holiday for me. This one is especially hard because tomorrow would have been his 99^th birthday.

When I was growing up, I did not have my dependable male role models. Unfortunately, I do not have much of a relationship with my father. Fortunately for me, though, I had the best grandfather anyone could ever ask for.

I don’t usually use this space to write about topics like this, but I’ve been subconsciously composing this blog in my head for the last few hours, so I figured it was something that deserved actual effort.

So, here’s to you, Howard J. Gilbert on the eve of your 99^th birthday:

It’s hard for me to express just how special my grandpa was. One of the only ways I can think of to do it is to say that he was a likable IRS agent. He would audit people and they still considered him a good guy. If that doesn’t show someone’s character, I don’t know what does.

There are many things I inherited from my grandfather. I definitely have his sense of direction; we both have the innate ability to find our way around whether we are in a new city or a strange part of town. I think I have his sense of humor. We both try to put a comedic spin on most things. He always used to say, “When I was young, I was so bright that my mother used to call me Sunny.” Recently I have started to realize that I think I have his lips.

There are many more things that I hope I inherited from my grandfather. I hope I have his integrity. He was one of the most honest, decent people I’ve ever met. I hope I have his logic. Even into his nineties, he could out-think almost anyone in the vicinity. I hope I have his kindness. If you were an important person to Howie Gilbert, he would do anything for you. He always picked up the check at dinner. He was reliable and affectionate and incredibly caring. Even the host at IHOP smiled when he saw my grandparents walking through the door.

And he worshipped my grandmother. After she died, you could see that he lost most of his will to live. I guess seventy-three years together will do that to you.

He lived through the Great Depression and the only visible scar it left with him was a strange affinity for eating ketchup on spaghetti. He had a massive heart attack in his forties and lived to 95 with only 10 percent usage of his heart. He went through the unimaginable pain of losing his oldest child when he was 85 and lived without her (and even less of his heart) for another decade.

There is no greater accomplishment in my life than the thought of making him proud. After my grandmother died, my mom brought him to Arizona to live with her. One of the prized possessions he made sure to bring was a stack of different things I’d written over the years. I didn’t even know he printed most of those pieces, and I still can’t even think about this without crying.

I know a lot of girls hope to find a life partner who reminds them of their father, but for me, my ultimate relationship goal is to find a man like my grandfather. Someone who is calm and steadfast. Someone who finds the humor in even the worst situations. Someone who puts his family above all else. Someone who doesn’t cause trouble for no reason, but also stands up for what’s right.

Happy Father’s Day and Happy Birthday, Grandpa. You always were and always will be my favorite guy in the world.