Last night I was texting with a friend and she suddenly said, “random question, but what’s your ideal scenario where you see yourself being perfectly confident?”
“What do you mean?” I replied, unsure where she was going with it.
“I mean like in your mind’s eye, if you picture yourself at peak confidence, what does it look like? What does your day look like, that kind of thing.” The question caught me a little bit off guard and I waited a few minutes before I answered.
To be honest, when I did answer, it was pretty generic. My friend replied with her answer and the conversation moved onto different topics, but I kept thinking about the question. Why was it so hard for me to describe my ultimate scenario for confidence?
At first I thought it was because I feel like I am so lacking in confidence most of the time. As I ruminated on the idea (and slept on it), though, I started to change my mind. I think the reason that I had such a hard time answering the question was that there was a part of me, albeit a very small part, that wanted to rebel against the idea of needing to have all of these things in place to feel confident. Because I realized it’s hard to have the life you want, the one where you feel comfortable in your skin and like you’re on the right path for yourself, if you don’t already feel confident.
Even as I write that, I realize that it’s an easy concept to talk about, but a really hard one to master. But I also think that none of us give ourselves enough credit for those times when we are really and truly brave.
When I was pondering the question this morning I had an epiphany. I moved to Scotland to go to grad school when I was 24. Not only was I moving to an entirely different country, but it was to a country I had never even visited. And I moved there without knowing anyone else.
After that life-changing year, I moved to Boston to go to a different grad school. I had never been to Boston before the day I moved there, either, and I didn’t know anyone in the whole city. Both experiences were definitely hard, but they were also incredible. And I definitely would not have been able to do either if I didn’t have any confidence like I trick myself into thinking all the time.
I know my mentality is not going to change overnight, but I’m going to try to start looking at life like I’m already living at peak confidence and see what great things come my way.
So if my friend were to ask me today about my ideal scenario for peak confidence, I would say, “hopefully today, tomorrow, and every day after that.”