Blogging by Beth

The Fight that Might Never Stop

PCOS is a jerk. I’m pretty sure I’ve said that before—but it’s no less true now than it was then.

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On top of all of the regular issues like messing with your weight and your cycle, studies have shown that PCOS also increases a woman’s risk for anxiety and depression. So this condition is basically bullying women who probably already have health issues and low self-esteem with the inability to remain calm and happy? Great…

Jerk.

Another thing I’ve mentioned before is that my PCOS is not nearly as severe as most and for that I am grateful. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t hard. Exercising and eating healthy usually help me keep my mind pretty in check. I’ll have the occasional bad day, but I can talk myself out of it pretty quickly.

Unfortunately, I have to always work out and eat healthy to see any kind of results—whether they’re physical or mental. My life is a constant fight to keep my body and my mind in check.

And it. Is. Exhausting.

I was pretty motivated this last month and I went to the gym almost every day to do a workout with heavy weights. For most people, that is the extent of their workout for the day. Not for me, though. Once I got home and took a little time off, I popped in Insanity Max 30 or Jillian Michaels’ Body Revolution.

This is a lot of physical activity for one day and these workouts are hard. I tried to listen to my body and rest when I needed it. The exertion, the daily stress of life, and the fact that it is still 90 degrees outside and arctic inside most buildings, though, eventually wore me down and I caught a bad cold that lasted for about a week.

Again, in the life of most people, taking a week off of working out is no big deal. Sure, you might not be as strong as you were the first time you go back to the gym, but you’ll build your stamina up pretty quickly. That’s not the case for me, though, and it’s not for most women who have PCOS.

Even one week off can throw my entire body off whack. Which makes me feel bad about myself. Which makes it harder to get back into the gym. Which leaves room for anxious or depressed thoughts to fill my mind. Vicious cycle much?

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I really try not to be so hard on myself. Friends and family yell at me about that all the time.

“You’re working so hard! It’s okay to take a day off.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be working out so hard.”

“Give yourself a break. You’re only human.”

I get what they’re saying. I really do. And I understand that life is about balance, which I am trying to work on.

But the fact of the matter is that until I find out exactly what works for me and my PCOS, I do have to work this hard. I have to keep fighting. Because I have no other choice.

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“Get In My Belly” Stuffed Acorn Squash

20160929_174416 As basic as it makes me sound, I love fall. I love fall colors and fall flavors and fall holidays. Because of my love for this season, I get extra creative when I’m cooking with fall produce. Keep reading to get my recipe for stuffed acorn squash. I promise you’ll be thanking me later.

Ingredients

1 Acorn Squash

1 Tablespoon of Olive Oil

½ Tablespoon of Brown Sugar

1 Package Ground Turkey

1 Tablespoon of Coconut Oil

½ Red Onion

½ Cup of Kale

1 Radish

1 Teaspoon Freshly Cut Ginger

¼ Carrot Chopped

1 Scallion

1 Mini Red Pepper

½ Packet of Taco Seasoning

A Handful of Sunflower Seeds

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees and cut the squash in half. 20160929_164951 Use a spoon to scoop out all of the seeds and the inside goop. Divide the
olive oil and the brown sugar between the two halves. Place it on a baking sheet and put it in the oven. You can cook the squash for anywhere from 45 to 60 minutes, depending on how soft you prefer it.

After the squash has cooked for about 30 minutes, heat up the coconut oil in a large pan over a low-medium heat. Once the oil melts, you can add the turkey meat and stir it until it is all cooked, which usually takes about 10 minutes or so.

As the meat cooks, you can start to prep your veggies. 20160929_173943 I like to chop the onion, kale, radish, ginger, carrots, scallion, and red pepper into small pieces, but you might prefer your veggies a different way. Once the meat is cooked, you can add the taco seasoning and give it a minute or two to gather the flavor. Add your chopped veggies and seeds and keep them over the heat for another minute or two. Once the squash is done, you can put the meat inside and enjoy your delicious fall treat. 20160929_174117

The recipe makes just more than two servings, but you can adjust accordingly depending on your needs.

Are Caffeine and I Breaking Up?

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Over the years I’ve heard a lot of pros and cons of coffee. Some people believe that caffeine is helpful to overall health and wellness. Other people think it can severely hinder efforts to lose weight and get healthy from the inside out.

I did some research on the topic to see if I could convince myself one way or the other about whether or not to cut caffeine from my daily routine. But guess what—I’m still just as confused as ever! Instead of making an argument for either side, I’m just going to share some pros and cons with you and so you can decide if caffeine has a place in your life.

P.S. I’m totally drinking a soy latte right now…so take that as you will.

Why You Should Drink Caffeine

There seem to be a lot of medical and weight loss articles boasting about the positive effects of caffeine on the body. In an article on Authority Nutrition, Aline Petre, MS, RD wrote that caffeine can improve brain function and blocks signals to molecules like adenosine, which can negatively affect the way you feel. Some people even say that caffeine helps them think clearly and stay focused throughout the day.

In this same article, Petre also argues that caffeine can help increase a person’s metabolism, which helps the body burn more calories in a day. It can also prevent quick muscle fatigue so you can go harder in the gym. This is why most pre-workout supplements contain caffeine.

As far as health benefits, many experts agree that a certain amount of caffeine can improve body function while lowering the risk for certain diseases. Sara Altshul of The Huffington Post points out that some studies have shown that caffeine could lower the risk for skin cancer, stroke, and heart conditions.

Why You Should Think About that Next Cup of Joe

Before you head on a rampage to your local coffee shop and order the biggest, most sugar-filled drink on the menu, take note that too much caffeine can have really adverse effects on your whole body.

First of all, adding a lot of sugar and creamer to a drink will throw your blood sugar for a loop. Ideally, your blood sugar is supposed to stay pretty neutral throughout the day. If you go too long without eating, your blood sugar takes a dive. If you eat too many carbs or too much sugar, it soars. These drastic changes are not good for your body, which is designed to survive in an environment that does not have grocery stores and fast food joints standing on every corner. Once your blood sugar is out of whack, your body devotes a lot of time and energy to stabilizing it, which can throw off other parts of your system. A grande caramel macchiato has 33 grams of sugar in it. Men are supposed to have 37.5 grams of sugar and women are supposed to have 25 grams in an entire day! I know this is not directly related to caffeine, but most people I know choose a flavored coffee drink over a cup of straight black java.

Alisa Vitti is a functional nutritionist and women’s hormone expert who cured her PCOS naturally with food. She believes that caffeine in any form is detrimental to women, especially those who already have hormonal issues. Men can metabolize caffeine faster than women and their bodies get rid of fluids faster than ours do. Since the female body is designed to grow another human being, we have some safety measures that affect other parts of our lives. We hold onto fluids longer and do not metabolize them quickly. This gives caffeine the chance to affect our sleep cycles, wreak havoc on our adrenal system, and really mess with our hormones. Vitti does not think women should have caffeine in any form, but women with PCOS should definitely stay away from it.

Too much caffeine also increases the risk for insomnia and irritability. It might upset your stomach or noticeably increase your heart rate. It might also interact badly with certain medications. Let your doctor know if you are a big coffee drinker before taking any prescriptions.

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The Choice is Yours

Some people metabolize caffeine better than others and do not experience any negative effects from it. Other people (like me) can’t have more than one cup a day without feeling jittery. If you do not feel like you can live without your daily caffeine fix, I’m definitely not telling you to ditch your morning brew. If you do drink caffeine, though, the Mayo Clinic recommends that you have no more than 400 milligrams (4 cups of brewed coffee) per day.

I personally have never been a big coffee drinker and I can easily go a day without it. Since it seems to have such a big impact on me, I might try to switch to herbal tea for a few weeks to see what happens. I’ll keep you guys posted!

Lick-the-Plate-Clean Lettuce Wraps

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I’ve recently discovered that I have a bit of a knack for cooking. Once I gave myself the opportunity to get comfortable in the kitchen, I started to get creative by combining interesting ingredients to make meals with lots of flavor.

The other night I decided to make some lettuce wraps…and I quickly realized that was the right decision.

Lettuce wraps are great because they give you the opportunity to pack a lot of veggies together with protein to create a satisfying and healthy meal. Keep reading to find out how I made these lettuce wraps (and will make them again in the future. Seriously—they are delicious!)

Ingredients

1 package Romaine Lettuce

16 ounces boneless chicken breasts

1 tablespoon coconut oil

½ teaspoon fresh ginger

½ carrot

1 piece of celery

2 mini bell peppers

Green onions (to taste)

1 handful of almond slivers

1 tablespoon Bragg Liquid Aminos

½ tablespoon chia seeds

Chop the chicken into small pieces and warm up the coconut oil in a pan. Once the oil has saturated the pan, start to cook the chicken.

In between periodically stirring the chicken to make sure it is cooking evenly, you can start to chop up your produce. Make sure to really chop up the ginger. It has a very strong flavor and it is important to distribute it evenly across the pan. I like to cut the carrots and the celery so they’re in small pieces that still give you a little bit of crunch when you bite into them. peppers-1325906-640x480

Once the chicken is mostly cooked, lower the heat a little bit and add your chopped produce into the pan. Mix everything up to give the vegetables a chance to flavor the chicken naturally.

Pour the tablespoon of the Bragg Liquid Aminos evenly across the pan. Try not to put any more of this sauce onto your meal until you taste it. Liquid aminos have a really strong flavor and a little bit really does go a long way.

Turn off the heat, sprinkle the chia seeds and almonds onto your creation, and start scooping it into pieces of the romaine lettuce. You will be left with a delicious and nutritious meal.

This recipe should make enough to feed four people, but you can always increase the ingredients if you want to serve more!

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Woopers (Workout Bloopers)

Working out has been a part of my daily (okay, okay…weekly) routine on and off for the past 18 years. Understandably during that time there have been some situations that did not turn out exactly according to plan. And now, dear reader, I will share them with you for your own entertainment:

What’s Your Density?

The University of Arizona campus recreation center is full of state-of-the-art cardio and weight lifting equipment that draws in all kinds of students to show off in front of one another…I mean to work toward their health and fitness goals and avoid the dreaded Freshman 15. During my own freshman year, my friend invited me to go to the gym with her one night.

Up until that point, my workouts usually consisted of Tae Bo or running around the track at my old middle school. I’m pretty sure that night was the first time I had ever set foot in a weight room. Anyway, my friend showed me how to use some of the intimidating machines and my discomfort about looking stupid faded away a little more with each rep.

We were about to finish up our workout when a good-looking guy with big muscles and dark skin walked across the weight room and right up to us.

“Hey. I’m Karl with a K,” he said extending his hand. At that point in my life, my experience with guys was about as extensive as my experience with weights, so it took me a second to realize he was waiting for me to shake his hand.

“I’m Beth,” I finally replied.

“Cool. Cool. I noticed you from across the gym. What’s your density?” he asked. I stared at him blankly for a few seconds trying to figure out if that was some kind of weight lifting term of which I was not yet aware.

“What?” I said after an extremely long pause and a lot of blinking.

“What’s your density?” he asked again. I looked at my friend to see if she understood and she shook her head.

“Sorry, I don’t know,” I said, quickly feeling like I was losing IQ points by the second.

“Are you Spanish?” he asked and I suddenly realized he was asking for my ethnicity. And that was the last time I worked out in the weight room at the University of Arizona campus recreation center.

Runner’s Delight

Later that same year, another friend and I decided to try some workout classes together. After sampling a few, we decided that our favorite class was kickboxing, which was led by Jason. Only he had a lisp, so he pronounced it “Jathon.”

We felt really good and strong after class one day. “Do you want to maybe go and run?” Micala asked as we walked out of the multipurpose room.

“Sure!” I said and we made our way up to the indoor track. Every track I had ever run on operated the same way: four laps equals one mile. Without any reason to believe this one was different, Micala and I stretched a little and started on our way.

We finished two laps and felt so great that we were able to have an entire conversation as we ran. Man! We are getting into great shape, I thought as we rounded the bend of the third lap. We finished lap four and decided to walk a couple of laps to cool down for the day. running-track-2-1528273-639x426

As we were reaching the very end of the second cool down lap, I noticed a sign on the wall that said, “Eleven laps equals one mile.” Eleven laps. And we had done four. That means we had completed about 36 percent of a mile. No wonder we felt like it was such an easy run.

Workout fail.

MacGyver Mat

Some workouts are really hard on your body. When I do home workouts in a place that does not have carpet, I tend to use a thick yoga mat to try to break up some of the force of jumping on a hard surface. Usually the yoga mat is all I need.

Enter Insanity Max 30. This workout is pretty much a jump fest for the full thirty minutes from the warm up to the cool down. And guess what. A yoga mat does nothing to help.

I struggled through the workouts for a few weeks and had to opt for the modifier version of more moves than I wanted. Each morning I woke up and my bones literally hurt. I guess that’s what happens when you do jumping jacks and burpees and tuck jumps on ceramic tile. I managed to complete the workouts, but I knew I wasn’t getting as much of a burn as I could be getting and that was making me mad.

Refusing to let a ceramic floor get the best of me, I started on a quest to find a solution. I tried to buy a thicker workout mat. It didn’t help.

“I know!” I said defiantly under my breath as I walked the aisles in Target…as soon as I made sure no one was within earshot “I’ll get an area rug!” With an I’m-so-smart smirk, I started toward the home décor section of the store. An area rug had to work just like carpet, right? This plan was definitely fool proof.

As I got to the rug aisle and my eyes excitedly passed over cute pattern over cute pattern, I got more excited about this idea. But then I looked at the price tags. Seventy dollars for an area rug that I would abuse with my sneakers and sweaty body? No thank you.

Sigh. Okay, back to the drawing board. I returned to the exercise aisle and looked more closely at the sport rubber tiles I initially decided against. Each package contained four tiles that fit together like a jigsaw puzzle. I decided to try my luck.

After working out one time, I could tell that this was not my perfect solution, but I was getting closer! The rubber definitely helped to lesson the impact of the jumping, but the squares came apart and slid on the floor, which made me feel like a baby giraffe learning to walk…across rubber tiles that slid around the floor.

The next day I channeled my inner MacGuyver and decided that I was going to best this floor once and for all. I returned to the décor section of the store, ready to begrudgingly throw down more than I wanted to spend to get an area rug. Just as I was reaching for the cheapest rug I could find, I saw something magical out of the corner of my eye.

There, sitting nonchalantly on the shelf was an anti-slip pad that you place UNDERNEATH area rugs. As soon as I picked one up, I knew I found a winner. Not only would these stay in place on the ceramic tile, but they would also provide even more impact resistance. Huzzah!

I returned to the workout section one last time to pick up another set of the rubber tiles. When I got home, I taped the underside of the tiles together so they would not break apart and placed them on top of the no slip pad. My MacGuyver mat helped me complete the best Insanity workout to date. Victory!

But I’m not going to lie, I was way more proud of myself for figuring out the mat situation than completing such a hard workout.

I should…Shouldn’t I?

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“Stop using the word should!” My friend said as we sat talking on her couch. I had just gotten off work and my dislike for my job had me feeling defeated, deflated, and depleted. It was only my second week there, but I already found myself dreading the fact that I had to return.

“You can’t do things just because you feel like you should do them,” she said.

I stayed at her house for a few hours so we could have one of our long in-depth conversations that always made both of us feel better about life.

The “should” part of the conversation really stuck with me, though. I started thinking about how much that stupid word dictates my life.

Any time I feel bad about myself, it is because I start thinking about what I “should” be doing. But what scale am I using to measure this? Whose standards am I using to judge myself?

The truth of the matter is that I use that word too. Damn. Much. I constantly have internal battles with myself because I feel like I’m not measuring up in some area of my life.

I should look a certain way. I should be at a certain place in my life. I should be making a certain amount of money. I should be married with kids at my age.

There’s definitely a small part of me that rebels against this word—otherwise I probably would be settled down with a house and kids. I am 32, after all.

But the rebellious side of me somehow managed to overtake these toxic thoughts. That’s how I was able to go to Italy with a friend after watching Under the Tuscan Sun when I was 19. That’s how I took a trip to Israel at 23 without knowing anyone else in my group. That’s how I moved to Scotland by myself for a year and to Boston for two years after that.

I think my intuition helps me bypass the “should” speed bump in a lot of ways. But it also makes me question myself when I do not have an immediate answer. When I am really ready to do something, I feel like it’s right in my gut and I just do it (i.e. move across the world to a country I had never even visited).

When I am unsure of my next move, though, the “should” train comes blazing down the tracks. It’s almost like I start thinking about what I should have done throughout every phase of my life…even the times when I felt so sure about my decision. And let me tell you, questioning decisions you have already made is a good way to add more grey hairs to your head without accomplishing much else.

I’m not expecting this to change overnight, but now that I realize I spend so much time agonizing over what other people think, I can hopefully start to care more about what I think and live my life accordingly.

Because being a prisoner to the word “should” is no way to live. This stupid word has made me judge myself and my decisions for too long. It has also taken a lot of the joy out of my day-to-day experiences. But life is too short and I am too tired of second-guessing myself to keep feeling down when I can just live the life I want to live and smile like I mean it.

What I’ve Learned About PCOS

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PCOS is a jerk. On top of that, it is mysterious and sneaky. I’ve known that I have PCOS for the last 8 years and I have spent A LOT of time researching it. Here are some of the things I’ve learned about this rude disorder from my own experience with it:

It’s Different in Everyone- Remember how you’d learn a grammar rule in English class and just when you had it down, your teacher said, “but here are the exceptions to this rule?” Yeah, that’s kind of what PCOS is like. Since it is a hormonal disorder and everyone’s hormonal makeup is unique, there is no one rule that defines
PCOS and how it affects people. As it stands, there are not many people even talking about PCOS. Unfortunately, a lot of the ones who talk about it do tend to think of it as a blanket disorder that can be lumped into one box. It is not. Some girls have facial hair…I do not. Some girls have thinning hair…I do not. Some girls get regular periods..I do not. Pay attention to your unique symptoms so you can find the right way to treat them.
Birth Control Does Not Cure PCOS-If you have PCOS and have been to a doctor, they probably tried to put you on birth control. While it might force a period and cover up some other symptoms like bad acne, it does not actually cure PCOS. As soon as you stop taking it, your symptoms will probably come back. Some people feel more comfortable taking the pill and that’s fine. In my PCOS journey, though, I found that birth control caused more trouble than it was worth.
It Doesn’t Define You-I have spent so much time hiding my PCOS. It made me feel ashamed and embarrassed. It made me feel like I was less than. I wouldn’t even bring it up because I didn’t want people to judge me about it. But guess what? It’s not my fault. I didn’t do anything to get PCOS. But it is definitely up to me to decide how I handle it. And I’ve decided that I’m tired of hiding it.
Eating Right and Exercising Does Help…Even If The Results are Slow-I have spent years killing myself with hardcore workouts. In fact, a nutritionist once told me that I work out at an athlete level. Unfortunately, the way I look does not reflect that. Believe me, I understand how frustrating it is to try to lose weight when you have PCOS. The second I stop exercising I start to gain weight. The PCOS weight loss struggle is full of disappointment. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it to keep doing your best. Eating right and exercising does help.
It Is So Important to Do Your Own Research-In my experience, a lot of doctors try to treat the effects of PCOS and not really the causes. Even if these treatments work temporarily, they very rarely have long-term success. If you do not feel like Metformin is the right course of action for you and your PCOS, do some research to find the right alternative therapy for your needs. I am definitely not saying you should avoid the doctor or even that you should disregard their medical advice. I’m just saying that it is important for you to spend some time researching so you understand what is happening with your body.

Flaxseed Meal Pancakes

Guys! Did you know that flaxseed is actually really good for you? As in it has a lot of fiber, very little carbs, no gluten, lots of antioxidants, and it helps keep your digestive system functioning properly?

This morning I was in the mood for pancakes so I decided to whip up some using flaxseed meal to make them slightly healthier than the regular version. I only used flaxseed meal, eggs, a little bit of Panko to give it some consistency, and a drop of almond milk for a little bit of flavor. Keep reading to find out how to make this easy, healthy, and tasty recipe in your own kitchen.

Note: I only made them for myself so you can increase the recipe if you want to share them!

Ingredients

1/2 cup of flaxseed meal flour (you can find it at your local health food store)

2 eggs

1 tablespoon of Panko

1 tablespoon of almond milk (you can substitute regular milk, soy milk, coconut milk, or just skip this step entirely)

Directions

Put a tablespoon of coconut oil in a pan–make sure to leave it on a low flame.

While the oil heats up, mix the the flaxseed meal with the eggs until it is totally coated. Pour the Panko in a little at a time and keep stirring. You want the batter to be a bit thick so it’ll form pancakes on the pan. Mix in your almond milk (if you want it).

Once the pan is heated, use a spoon to put the batter over the heat. You can make one big pancake or separate it into a few little ones. Let it cook for about 2 minutes and use a spatula to press down on the batter. Flip it over to the other side and let it cook the same way. You might need to flip the pancakes a few times to ensure both sides are cooked equally.

Once they look good (or as good as they are going to look), turn off the heat and put them onto a plate. You can go the traditional route and use syrup and butter or make them a little healthier with some honey or agave syrup. If you prefer saltier foods, you can just sprinkle them with some sea salt and enjoy.

Disclaimer: Flaxseed meal pancakes are NOT pretty. But they’re good for you, they’re tasty, and they’re stupidly-easy to make. Enjoy 🙂

Mo’ Dairy, Mo’ Problems

I turned 30 in August of 2014. In September of that year, I started to get hives almost every day. I’m no stranger to hives—I have had seriously bad allergic reactions to certain antibiotics and hot tubs with too much chlorine, but these were isolated incidents and they were few and far between. I never considered myself a person who really suffered from allergies.

But back to these hives. I was doing squats at the gym one September day when I noticed a bunch of red bumps along my chest. At first I thought they might be some kind of heat rash (September in Arizona is still basically surface-of-the-sun-hot). Or maybe that my sweat was causing me to break out…but then the itching started.

No big deal, my lips just swelled to twice their size after using lipstick with dairy in it!

The hives returned almost daily and seemed to get itchier every time they reappeared. They were all over my forearms, my ankles, my neck, and my chest. Some of the worst ones lined the sides of my upper legs. I remember lying in bed trying not to scratch while the uncomfortable itching kept me up at night. I took allergy pills and they helped a little bit, but the hives always returned.

Each day I paid attention to what I was eating and drinking to try to figure out what was causing the hives. As soon as I developed a theory, I realized why it wouldn’t work.

One day my friend and I went out for dinner. We got spinach and artichoke dip for an appetizer. After dinner, we got some ice cream. Back at my house, we started to watch a movie when my hands started to swell up to twice their size.

“Are you okay?” my friend asked as she noticed me trying to scratch some hives with my swollen hands.

“I’ve been getting hives every day. I don’t know what’s causing it,” I said with a shrug.

“Maybe it’s dairy,” she said and my eyes got wide.

“Oh my God. I think you’re totally right!” I said. I could almost hear an angelic choir in my mind as I realized that dairy was my common denominator.

That night after my daily does of Benadryl, I started researching dairy allergies. An allergy is different than an intolerance. Most people who can’t have dairy suffer from lactose intolerance, which means they can’t properly break down milk products. The dairy allergy is caused by an allergic reaction to casein, which is the protein found in dairy products. cow-pasture-animal-almabtrieb

In the morning I looked at the ingredients of the foods I most commonly ate throughout the week. Almost everything had dairy or casein in it. Even the whole wheat bread I ate with peanut butter after the gym. A quick glance at my Benadryl bottle showed me that the pills I was taking to stop the hives had dairy in the coating, which meant they were making the problem worse!

I was so relieved to finally have a culprit—I wasn’t crazy. But then I realized what that meant. Even with my limited research, I could still see that dairy. Was. In. everything. Like, everything.

My hives were so bad for a while that I had to get all new cosmetics and toiletries because even they had dairy as a moisturizer. Within a matter of weeks, I went from a person who never had a problem with allergies to a person who was allergic to almost everything.

It’s been two years since I realized I’m allergic to dairy and done what I can to avoid it. I’m not perfect, though. There have been a few times where I gave into a bagel with schmear or ate a italian-pizza-restaurant-dinner piece of pizza or two. Since I do not have dairy on a regular basis, my reactions are not as bad as they once were. I do still get hives and swelling, though.

I’m going to feature a lot of dairy-free recipes and tips on this blog to help you guys avoid it. Whether your body also revolts against you for enjoying the occasional latte or piece of cheesecake or you just want to stop eating so much cheese, there will be some unique ways to circumvent this usually hard-to-avoid ingredient.

Finding the “Why”

The other day a friend asked me how I stay motivated to work out. Even though I have been exercising pretty regularly since I was 14 (I’m now 32), I had to stop to really think about the answer. The truth was, in all the years of popping in workout DVDs, doing dead lifts at the gym, or sweating my way around a track, I had never once asked myself that question. But knowing why you work out is almost as important as actually doing it.

At first I said, “I just make it a part of my routine and it’s easy to keep doing it.”

“No,” my friend said with a shake of her head. “That’s not what keeps you motivated. I’ve started and stopped working out so many times over the years, but you have always been really consistent with it. What’s your secret?”

I looked around the dimly-lit restaurant and wondered what the people around us would think if they could overhear this conversation. My friend has four children, but she is slimmer now than she was before she started having kids. I am much more on the curvy side and I found myself scrunching up a bit as if to hide my body as I thought about my real answer.

“Well, I guess part of it is that working out gives me the chance to turn my brain off for a while. I overthink everything. Literally everything. And I can kind of escape that when I work out,” I started.

My friend nodded and took a sip of her drink.

“But I don’t think that’s it,” I added. She turned her blue eyes back to me, ready to hear the next part of my answer. “I think that a big part of it is that I don’t want people to look at me and automatically think that I don’t ever work out. Inside I feel athletic and strong. I know I don’t necessarily look that way, though, so working out is my way to prove it to the world?” It comes out like a question because it’s not really something I’ve ever admitted out loud.

I, like many women in my age bracket, suffer from polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). This complicated name basically means that my hormones are out of whack and that my body does not process insulin the right way. Because of this, my periods have never been regular, I sometimes suffer from cystic acne, and, the hardest side effect for me, it is incredibly hard to lose weight and very easy to gain it.

Compared to some women who have PCOS, I know I have a very mild case. I do not have excessive facial hair and the hair on the top of my head is far from thinning. I do not have diabetes and I do not weigh anything close to 300 pounds. But I also know that my PCOS isn’t as severe as it could be because I spend so much time exercising.

One of the only times I noticed a significant decrease in my weight was when I went to school in Boston. At the time, I lived a mile away from the train, which meant I automatically walked two miles if I went anywhere during the day. Although I didn’t have a step counter back then, I’d estimate that I usually walked closer to seven or eight miles by the time I returned home for the day. A few times a week, I also ran a mile and a half in addition to the miles I walked. To top it all off, I did two Jillian Michaels’ workouts in one day. Although no Jillian workout is easy, my daily routine consisted of two of the most advanced DVDs.

That is an unsustainable amount of exercise to have to do just to see some results. To be fair, I was not really modifying my diet at all, but most people start to see weight-loss results if they just walk more than they normally do. Even with that level of physical activity, I wouldn’t have considered myself “thin.”

Throughout the past few years, I have studied a lot about nutrition. I’m still trying to find the right balance between what I eat and how much I work out. I have made a big effort to cut out certain foods that are bad for PCOS. Like dairy, which I just discovered

I’m allergic to anyway.

The more I thought about why I work out, the more I realized that the answer has many layers. In addition to everything I have already mentioned, working out also makes me feel strong. This strength is not all physical, however. In fact, much of it is mental. When I can successfully complete a workout with crazy moves like burpees, scissor jumps, military-style pushups, and jump lunges, it makes me feel like I can complete other tasks in my daily life. I notice if I skip a few workouts, my confidence starts to slip in other areas.

So, why do I work out? I do it because it’s a part of me and it makes the other parts of me better. I do it because I don’t want PCOS to dictate my life. I do it because, as crazy as it sounds, I find it fun. But mostly, I do it because I believe that I deserve more.

Getting in some steps with my dog Madigan