Tag: happiness

Little Things

Yesterday my dog and I went for a walk along the river. I was enjoying myself, but my thoughts were wandering, and I wasn’t completely focused on my surroundings. The leash dragged a bit behind me so I stopped and looked back at Madigan to see what caught her attention.

Bright pink desert flowers

She had her sweet white face pressed into a plant right at the edge of a bridge and she voraciously inhaled. I gave her a few moments to enjoy it, and as we stepped away, she smiled so completely that I instantly felt my mood elevate.

The look of pure, unadulterated joy on her face from the scent lit me up from the inside. The simple act of smelling a plant, one that she has probably sniffed many times before, made her happier than some of my favorite life moments have made me.

As we continued walking, I paid more attention to the blissful day around me. The fact that at the end of May, the temperature is still flirting around 85 instead of the normal 100 degrees we have at this time of year. The light breeze ruffling through my shirt and hair. The sight of Madigan’s little tail waddling in front of me.

It was a pretty perfect moment.

When I first started to write this post, I was post walk and feeling good and positive. I woke up today, however, feeling grumpy. I tried to shake it off at the gym to no avail. Cleaning my house did not give me the instant gratification I thought it would. Even chatting with friends hasn’t improved my mood as quickly as it normally does.

Saguaro cactus, mountains, and a desert sky

But reading back through this post and thinking about that look on Maddie’s face is doing the trick. It’s inspiring me to take more time to notice and appreciate the little things. So even though I sat down at this table with a coffee, a to-do list, and a small scowl on my face, now I’m taking the time to enjoy the amazing view of the mountains to my right and the palm trees blowing in the wind in front of me. I’m appreciative of the fact that I’m having a good hair day, and I’m ready to finish the rest of my day more like Madigan.

I’ll even try to smile!

I should…Shouldn’t I?

old-solitude-1405244-640x480

“Stop using the word should!” My friend said as we sat talking on her couch. I had just gotten off work and my dislike for my job had me feeling defeated, deflated, and depleted. It was only my second week there, but I already found myself dreading the fact that I had to return.

“You can’t do things just because you feel like you should do them,” she said.

I stayed at her house for a few hours so we could have one of our long in-depth conversations that always made both of us feel better about life.

The “should” part of the conversation really stuck with me, though. I started thinking about how much that stupid word dictates my life.

Any time I feel bad about myself, it is because I start thinking about what I “should” be doing. But what scale am I using to measure this? Whose standards am I using to judge myself?

The truth of the matter is that I use that word too. Damn. Much. I constantly have internal battles with myself because I feel like I’m not measuring up in some area of my life.

I should look a certain way. I should be at a certain place in my life. I should be making a certain amount of money. I should be married with kids at my age.

There’s definitely a small part of me that rebels against this word—otherwise I probably would be settled down with a house and kids. I am 32, after all.

But the rebellious side of me somehow managed to overtake these toxic thoughts. That’s how I was able to go to Italy with a friend after watching Under the Tuscan Sun when I was 19. That’s how I took a trip to Israel at 23 without knowing anyone else in my group. That’s how I moved to Scotland by myself for a year and to Boston for two years after that.

I think my intuition helps me bypass the “should” speed bump in a lot of ways. But it also makes me question myself when I do not have an immediate answer. When I am really ready to do something, I feel like it’s right in my gut and I just do it (i.e. move across the world to a country I had never even visited).

When I am unsure of my next move, though, the “should” train comes blazing down the tracks. It’s almost like I start thinking about what I should have done throughout every phase of my life…even the times when I felt so sure about my decision. And let me tell you, questioning decisions you have already made is a good way to add more grey hairs to your head without accomplishing much else.

I’m not expecting this to change overnight, but now that I realize I spend so much time agonizing over what other people think, I can hopefully start to care more about what I think and live my life accordingly.

Because being a prisoner to the word “should” is no way to live. This stupid word has made me judge myself and my decisions for too long. It has also taken a lot of the joy out of my day-to-day experiences. But life is too short and I am too tired of second-guessing myself to keep feeling down when I can just live the life I want to live and smile like I mean it.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA