healthy living Archives - Blogging by Beth

The PCOS Chronicles

Last night I learned of another girl who has PCOS. She just found out she has it and, without knowing much about the disease, she could only ask her doctor questions based on the small tidbits she’s heard.

One of her first questions was, “will this make me gain weight?” This girl is very skinny, but she has a lot of problem with inflammation after she eats—so much so, in fact, that people have asked her if she’s pregnant.

“No. PCOS doesn’t make you gain weight. That’s just an excuse that fat girls use,” her doctor told her. Yes, her doctor. A medical professional. Then the doctor wrote a prescription for birth control so the girl would start getting her period again (which she hadn’t seen in about a year).

There are so many things that infuriate me about this interaction. First of all, the fact that doctors know SO little about PCOS. Second of all, how dare someone who is supposed to help people cure their health issues tell a patient that people use this disorder as an excuse to be fat?

I am also upset that the doctor merely prescribed birth control and expects that to solve all hormonal problems. Sure, birth control will make this girl get her period, but it’s not a solution. It will actually just cover up her issues without treating them.

I’m definitely more frustrated about this interaction than this girl was because she doesn’t know that she should be. Why shouldn’t she listen to her doctor? Why shouldn’t she do some research on the effects of birth control on her hormones and on her PCOS? As of right now, she has no reason not to believe the doctor.

I spent so. Many. Years. blindly listening to doctors and trusting their diagnoses and treatments. When none of these methods worked for my issues, it made me feel like I was the problem.

They made me feel like I was the problem.

I went to a gynecologist one time, a female, by the way, and she gave me suggestions on losing weight based on what her FIFTY-YEAR-OLD HUSBAND was doing. When I told her how I ate and how much I worked out, I could tell she didn’t believe me. She took one look at my body and, much like the doctor this girl saw, assumed I was using my diagnosis as an “excuse.”

It makes me so incredibly sad how many women go to doctors and leave feeling more dejected and hopeless than they felt when they got there. When they spend hours sweating at the gym and trying to eat as little as possible to work past the roadblocks their body is giving them.

I’ve gone to doctors who honestly recommended eating only 500 calories in a day to lose weight. Others basically shrugged and told me I was doing whatever I could and they didn’t know why it wasn’t working.

PCOS is a condition that causes inflammation. It makes it difficult (but not impossible) for your body to regulate insulin. It makes it harder to lose weight and very easy to gain it (contrary to what this doctor said). It presents differently in everyone.

The chemicals found in our daily lives trick our bodies into thinking we have more estrogen in our systems and the rest of our hormones try to compensate for that. Most of us are in constant states of adrenal fatigue. Even really thin people who have “normal” blood sugar levels are sending their blood sugar soaring and crashing on a daily basis. Our bodies are just doing what they can to keep up with our modern lifestyle.

But doing something as simple as eating right for your hormones can help you get your body functioning better. I promise. Don’t completely overlook the things your doctor says, but try to do your own research to make sure you are finding the right solution for yourself and for your health.

Moments

It’s funny the things that stick with you in your mind. I was just walking past a guy who shuffled his flip-flops loudly along the ground as he moved and I thought, “Pick up your feet!”

As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I was transported back to the hallway of my elementary school where, while walking in a line with my class, an older teacher yelled the same thing at me. I have no idea how old I was, or who the teacher was, but it’s a moment that has caused déjà vu a few times in my life.

And I’ve definitely picked up my feet as I walk since then.

There are other things, other moments, that I want desperately to remember in such detail. What did it smell like when I walked into my flat in Glasgow each day? What did it feel like to walk in the sunshine along Newbury Street in Boston before class? What did I think about when I walked to and from class in both of these places? When was the first moment I realized there was a spark between my ex and I?

It’s not that I can’t remember what these things feel like, but it’s not the same sensory memory that I have associated with this weird “pick up your feet” moment. Why did my sub-conscious hold onto that one so tightly?

Memory has always fascinated me and lately I’ve been thinking about it in relation to how the past affects my current life.

One day my friend Amy and I were at the mall and we ran into someone we used to consider a dear friend. Both Amy and I had fallings out with this person, neither of which were amicable. All three of us pretended to be cordial during the surprise meeting, but it was obvious how uncomfortable this girl was. I have never experienced someone who wanted to see me so little—to the point that it was almost comical. In a weird way, this awkward reunion almost erased the rest of the history I had with this girl and we became strangers who didn’t like each other.

Later that same night I went out with another friend from my past. She and I don’t get to see each other very often, but any time we do it is like we always hang out. I had more fun that evening than I’d had in a long time. Even with all the gaps in our hangout history, we still had inside jokes and made a lot of new ones that night. I fit in with her friends, many of whom I just met. It just felt natural and right.

The juxtaposition of those two reunions interests me so much and I keep thinking about how the past constantly presents itself in different ways. The present does not always make room for it, though, just like it hadn’t that afternoon in the mall. Is this because that while we’re always changing and growing, there are parts of ourselves that stay the same? And we can still recognize others who have stayed the same in similar ways?

Do we have any control over these moments that we remember in such vivid detail? If I live more in the present, can I recall the tiniest details of this moment? The sound of music in my headphones, the feel of my feet swinging from the bar stool on which I’m perched, the looks on the faces of the other people in this coffee shop? Or am I dependent on my sub-conscious to fill in the details of moments it wants to remember?

I don’t have answers to these questions, but I do know (and have said before) that I want to try to live more in the present. Moments from the past will always pop up, but I do believe there is a way to marry them with the present—I just haven’t figured out exactly how to do that.

Yet.

Control

With a new catastrophe in the news almost daily and others on deck, it is easy to feel like we have little-to-no control over what’s happening around us.

And that thought terrifies me.

I have always been greedy about the levels of control in my life. Even when I was in college, I never felt the need to get blackout drunk and turn my mind off enough to make reckless decisions.

I hate sitting in the passenger seat of a car. I much prefer to drive or sit in the back so I can’t see what is happening in front of me. I like to be in control when I can because it makes me feel more balanced in a world that seems more off-kilter every morning.

The idea of control has been on my mind a lot lately, but I’ve been thinking about it differently than I usually do. And I’ve realized a few things about it:

Sometimes It’s Good to Loosen the Control Reigns

While it is important to feel in control of your life and your decisions, sometimes the best experiences occur when you back off and let loose. The first time I ever left the country, I went to Italy with a friend. We were nineteen and, although we weren’t stupid, we didn’t have much life experience. I kept a journal of the trip and the one line I really remember after all of these years is “the best parts of our trip happened by accident.”

In one of those instances, we met a guy from Argentina and decided to take the train from Florence to Cortona with him. Lucas spoke more Italian than my friend and I, and we completely trusted him to find us a taxi back to the train station. We didn’t know it until we were almost down the windy roads of the small village, but Lucas actually paid some regular guy to take us down the hill (this was way, way before the days of Uber and Lyft). I momentarily freaked out when I discovered this, but we ended up being fine.

When you travel, you have to give up control otherwise you will be disappointed. Going with the flow is the only way to ensure that you have a fun time. This is a good metaphor for life: sometimes it is just not possible to be in control and you have to be okay with it.

You Can’t Control Others, But You Can Control How You React to Them

I think a lot of people struggle with the fact that they can’t control what other people do, myself included. We will never be able to control what other people do, but we can control how we react to it. If someone cuts you off in traffic, it’s okay to be annoyed, but if you let it ruin your whole day, you are only hurting yourself.

Don’t take the actions of others so seriously that it starts to affect your life. Try to remember that everyone is doing the best they can and that they are not always in control of their circumstances, either. The only thing you can really control is what you do when you are faced with certain situations.

Control and Controlling Are Not the Same

I think it is important for each of us to feel in control of our lives—especially in relation to the present moment. That does not mean I think it’s necessary to be controlling of every interaction and circumstance that happens in your life, though.

Having control means that you are making active decisions to keep yourself moving forward. Being controlling means that you are trying too hard to make sure everything is done your way, even when it doesn’t specifically relate to you. I like being in control, but I never want someone else to feel like I am controlling.

Honor yourself and your emotions. Know that you have the power to change your present situation. Do not let yourself feel like a victim of your life. But don’t try to take away someone else’s control, either.

Just live, be present, be grateful, and always strive to be more.

The Cost of Convenience

Our society has officially crossed the border into the “I want it five minutes ago” mentality. Because of this, we are much more inclined to hunt down the easiest, most convenient products and services to enhance our lives. You know, as long as it doesn’t take too much effort to do that.

Sometimes when I’m in the grocery store, I look around in amazement at the sheer amount of products that are available at any time of the day. It is truly remarkable and I know that we are lucky to live in a society that has so much to offer. Not everyone has the same advantages.

The problem with this kind of culture, though, is that we are subjected to so many more chemicals and additives than we realize. Yeah it’s great to be able to grab some nail polish on clearance for $1 or to pay a low price for a huge package of processed cereal from a bulk store like Costco, but I believe this convenience is costing us in other ways.

According to the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics, there are many cosmetics that contain known carcinogens. Chemicals like formaldehyde, arsenic, benzene, and even coal tar are used to perfect these low-priced personal care products so companies can produce them faster and make them last longer.

Even everyday products like deodorant contain ingredients like aluminum and parabens, which are endocrine disruptors called xenoestrogens that act like estrogen. Not only does this mess up hormones, but it can also lead to serious health issues. Some scientists have even linked products like this to breast cancer.

Personal care products are not the only problem. Even our food contains dangerous additives that hugely affect the health of the nation. According to Jillian Michaels (AKA trainer, nutrition author, and my spirit animal), Americans eat a diet that consists of roughly 60 percent processed foods. 60 percent!

Ingredients like palm oil contain trans fat, which messes up your cholesterol and puts you at a much greater risk for issues like a stroke or heart attack. White processed foods like bread and cereal have been stripped of any nutritional value. This modified grain is much easier for your body to digest, but that really effs with your blood sugar and puts you at higher risk for things like diabetes. Soda often contains preservatives like sodium benzene, which prevents mold, but is also known to cause cancer. I could continue, but I think you’re probably getting the idea.

What I’m saying is these huge companies that are producing these products are, understandably, trying to make money. But the best way for them to make money is to create products that last way longer than they should and have low price tags to be more appealing to buyers. Unfortunately, that means that have to add so many chemicals that it is getting harder and harder to avoid them.

The average women will put 126 ingredients onto her face, neck, and hands in one day from just following a normal makeup and skincare routine. In one year, most women absorb about five pounds of chemicals from these products.

I’m not saying you should throw out the contents of your home and start using leaves for personal hygiene. Let’s be honest, no one wants to be known as the smelly one. But I do think it is extremely important to do some research and find out which products are doing more harm than good. Especially if you are a woman with hormonal issues or you want to have children.

One of the biggest changes I’ve made in my life to deal with my PCOS is to try to avoid some of the worst chemicals in my daily life. I started using honey to wash my face. To be honest, it feels nice, it’s cheaper than face wash, and I have gotten a lot of compliments on my skin lately. Instead of deodorant I can grab at Target, I started using a version that is free of aluminum and parabens that I found at the health food store. I switched over to safer nail polish brands and I’m more careful about the makeup I use. I only spray perfume onto my clothes instead of onto my skin.

I’m definitely not perfect with it, but I try to eat fewer processed foods than I used to eat and I hardly ever drink soda. These small changes have made a noticeable difference with my hormones and I don’t suffer from things like cystic acne and excessive hair shedding like I once did. Being more diligent about the things I’m putting into my body also makes me feel like I have more control over my health.

The Fight that Might Never Stop

PCOS is a jerk. I’m pretty sure I’ve said that before—but it’s no less true now than it was then.

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On top of all of the regular issues like messing with your weight and your cycle, studies have shown that PCOS also increases a woman’s risk for anxiety and depression. So this condition is basically bullying women who probably already have health issues and low self-esteem with the inability to remain calm and happy? Great…

Jerk.

Another thing I’ve mentioned before is that my PCOS is not nearly as severe as most and for that I am grateful. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t hard. Exercising and eating healthy usually help me keep my mind pretty in check. I’ll have the occasional bad day, but I can talk myself out of it pretty quickly.

Unfortunately, I have to always work out and eat healthy to see any kind of results—whether they’re physical or mental. My life is a constant fight to keep my body and my mind in check.

And it. Is. Exhausting.

I was pretty motivated this last month and I went to the gym almost every day to do a workout with heavy weights. For most people, that is the extent of their workout for the day. Not for me, though. Once I got home and took a little time off, I popped in Insanity Max 30 or Jillian Michaels’ Body Revolution.

This is a lot of physical activity for one day and these workouts are hard. I tried to listen to my body and rest when I needed it. The exertion, the daily stress of life, and the fact that it is still 90 degrees outside and arctic inside most buildings, though, eventually wore me down and I caught a bad cold that lasted for about a week.

Again, in the life of most people, taking a week off of working out is no big deal. Sure, you might not be as strong as you were the first time you go back to the gym, but you’ll build your stamina up pretty quickly. That’s not the case for me, though, and it’s not for most women who have PCOS.

Even one week off can throw my entire body off whack. Which makes me feel bad about myself. Which makes it harder to get back into the gym. Which leaves room for anxious or depressed thoughts to fill my mind. Vicious cycle much?

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I really try not to be so hard on myself. Friends and family yell at me about that all the time.

“You’re working so hard! It’s okay to take a day off.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be working out so hard.”

“Give yourself a break. You’re only human.”

I get what they’re saying. I really do. And I understand that life is about balance, which I am trying to work on.

But the fact of the matter is that until I find out exactly what works for me and my PCOS, I do have to work this hard. I have to keep fighting. Because I have no other choice.

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Are Caffeine and I Breaking Up?

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Over the years I’ve heard a lot of pros and cons of coffee. Some people believe that caffeine is helpful to overall health and wellness. Other people think it can severely hinder efforts to lose weight and get healthy from the inside out.

I did some research on the topic to see if I could convince myself one way or the other about whether or not to cut caffeine from my daily routine. But guess what—I’m still just as confused as ever! Instead of making an argument for either side, I’m just going to share some pros and cons with you and so you can decide if caffeine has a place in your life.

P.S. I’m totally drinking a soy latte right now…so take that as you will.

Why You Should Drink Caffeine

There seem to be a lot of medical and weight loss articles boasting about the positive effects of caffeine on the body. In an article on Authority Nutrition, Aline Petre, MS, RD wrote that caffeine can improve brain function and blocks signals to molecules like adenosine, which can negatively affect the way you feel. Some people even say that caffeine helps them think clearly and stay focused throughout the day.

In this same article, Petre also argues that caffeine can help increase a person’s metabolism, which helps the body burn more calories in a day. It can also prevent quick muscle fatigue so you can go harder in the gym. This is why most pre-workout supplements contain caffeine.

As far as health benefits, many experts agree that a certain amount of caffeine can improve body function while lowering the risk for certain diseases. Sara Altshul of The Huffington Post points out that some studies have shown that caffeine could lower the risk for skin cancer, stroke, and heart conditions.

Why You Should Think About that Next Cup of Joe

Before you head on a rampage to your local coffee shop and order the biggest, most sugar-filled drink on the menu, take note that too much caffeine can have really adverse effects on your whole body.

First of all, adding a lot of sugar and creamer to a drink will throw your blood sugar for a loop. Ideally, your blood sugar is supposed to stay pretty neutral throughout the day. If you go too long without eating, your blood sugar takes a dive. If you eat too many carbs or too much sugar, it soars. These drastic changes are not good for your body, which is designed to survive in an environment that does not have grocery stores and fast food joints standing on every corner. Once your blood sugar is out of whack, your body devotes a lot of time and energy to stabilizing it, which can throw off other parts of your system. A grande caramel macchiato has 33 grams of sugar in it. Men are supposed to have 37.5 grams of sugar and women are supposed to have 25 grams in an entire day! I know this is not directly related to caffeine, but most people I know choose a flavored coffee drink over a cup of straight black java.

Alisa Vitti is a functional nutritionist and women’s hormone expert who cured her PCOS naturally with food. She believes that caffeine in any form is detrimental to women, especially those who already have hormonal issues. Men can metabolize caffeine faster than women and their bodies get rid of fluids faster than ours do. Since the female body is designed to grow another human being, we have some safety measures that affect other parts of our lives. We hold onto fluids longer and do not metabolize them quickly. This gives caffeine the chance to affect our sleep cycles, wreak havoc on our adrenal system, and really mess with our hormones. Vitti does not think women should have caffeine in any form, but women with PCOS should definitely stay away from it.

Too much caffeine also increases the risk for insomnia and irritability. It might upset your stomach or noticeably increase your heart rate. It might also interact badly with certain medications. Let your doctor know if you are a big coffee drinker before taking any prescriptions.

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The Choice is Yours

Some people metabolize caffeine better than others and do not experience any negative effects from it. Other people (like me) can’t have more than one cup a day without feeling jittery. If you do not feel like you can live without your daily caffeine fix, I’m definitely not telling you to ditch your morning brew. If you do drink caffeine, though, the Mayo Clinic recommends that you have no more than 400 milligrams (4 cups of brewed coffee) per day.

I personally have never been a big coffee drinker and I can easily go a day without it. Since it seems to have such a big impact on me, I might try to switch to herbal tea for a few weeks to see what happens. I’ll keep you guys posted!

Woopers (Workout Bloopers)

Working out has been a part of my daily (okay, okay…weekly) routine on and off for the past 18 years. Understandably during that time there have been some situations that did not turn out exactly according to plan. And now, dear reader, I will share them with you for your own entertainment:

What’s Your Density?

The University of Arizona campus recreation center is full of state-of-the-art cardio and weight lifting equipment that draws in all kinds of students to show off in front of one another…I mean to work toward their health and fitness goals and avoid the dreaded Freshman 15. During my own freshman year, my friend invited me to go to the gym with her one night.

Up until that point, my workouts usually consisted of Tae Bo or running around the track at my old middle school. I’m pretty sure that night was the first time I had ever set foot in a weight room. Anyway, my friend showed me how to use some of the intimidating machines and my discomfort about looking stupid faded away a little more with each rep.

We were about to finish up our workout when a good-looking guy with big muscles and dark skin walked across the weight room and right up to us.

“Hey. I’m Karl with a K,” he said extending his hand. At that point in my life, my experience with guys was about as extensive as my experience with weights, so it took me a second to realize he was waiting for me to shake his hand.

“I’m Beth,” I finally replied.

“Cool. Cool. I noticed you from across the gym. What’s your density?” he asked. I stared at him blankly for a few seconds trying to figure out if that was some kind of weight lifting term of which I was not yet aware.

“What?” I said after an extremely long pause and a lot of blinking.

“What’s your density?” he asked again. I looked at my friend to see if she understood and she shook her head.

“Sorry, I don’t know,” I said, quickly feeling like I was losing IQ points by the second.

“Are you Spanish?” he asked and I suddenly realized he was asking for my ethnicity. And that was the last time I worked out in the weight room at the University of Arizona campus recreation center.

Runner’s Delight

Later that same year, another friend and I decided to try some workout classes together. After sampling a few, we decided that our favorite class was kickboxing, which was led by Jason. Only he had a lisp, so he pronounced it “Jathon.”

We felt really good and strong after class one day. “Do you want to maybe go and run?” Micala asked as we walked out of the multipurpose room.

“Sure!” I said and we made our way up to the indoor track. Every track I had ever run on operated the same way: four laps equals one mile. Without any reason to believe this one was different, Micala and I stretched a little and started on our way.

We finished two laps and felt so great that we were able to have an entire conversation as we ran. Man! We are getting into great shape, I thought as we rounded the bend of the third lap. We finished lap four and decided to walk a couple of laps to cool down for the day. running-track-2-1528273-639x426

As we were reaching the very end of the second cool down lap, I noticed a sign on the wall that said, “Eleven laps equals one mile.” Eleven laps. And we had done four. That means we had completed about 36 percent of a mile. No wonder we felt like it was such an easy run.

Workout fail.

MacGyver Mat

Some workouts are really hard on your body. When I do home workouts in a place that does not have carpet, I tend to use a thick yoga mat to try to break up some of the force of jumping on a hard surface. Usually the yoga mat is all I need.

Enter Insanity Max 30. This workout is pretty much a jump fest for the full thirty minutes from the warm up to the cool down. And guess what. A yoga mat does nothing to help.

I struggled through the workouts for a few weeks and had to opt for the modifier version of more moves than I wanted. Each morning I woke up and my bones literally hurt. I guess that’s what happens when you do jumping jacks and burpees and tuck jumps on ceramic tile. I managed to complete the workouts, but I knew I wasn’t getting as much of a burn as I could be getting and that was making me mad.

Refusing to let a ceramic floor get the best of me, I started on a quest to find a solution. I tried to buy a thicker workout mat. It didn’t help.

“I know!” I said defiantly under my breath as I walked the aisles in Target…as soon as I made sure no one was within earshot “I’ll get an area rug!” With an I’m-so-smart smirk, I started toward the home décor section of the store. An area rug had to work just like carpet, right? This plan was definitely fool proof.

As I got to the rug aisle and my eyes excitedly passed over cute pattern over cute pattern, I got more excited about this idea. But then I looked at the price tags. Seventy dollars for an area rug that I would abuse with my sneakers and sweaty body? No thank you.

Sigh. Okay, back to the drawing board. I returned to the exercise aisle and looked more closely at the sport rubber tiles I initially decided against. Each package contained four tiles that fit together like a jigsaw puzzle. I decided to try my luck.

After working out one time, I could tell that this was not my perfect solution, but I was getting closer! The rubber definitely helped to lesson the impact of the jumping, but the squares came apart and slid on the floor, which made me feel like a baby giraffe learning to walk…across rubber tiles that slid around the floor.

The next day I channeled my inner MacGuyver and decided that I was going to best this floor once and for all. I returned to the décor section of the store, ready to begrudgingly throw down more than I wanted to spend to get an area rug. Just as I was reaching for the cheapest rug I could find, I saw something magical out of the corner of my eye.

There, sitting nonchalantly on the shelf was an anti-slip pad that you place UNDERNEATH area rugs. As soon as I picked one up, I knew I found a winner. Not only would these stay in place on the ceramic tile, but they would also provide even more impact resistance. Huzzah!

I returned to the workout section one last time to pick up another set of the rubber tiles. When I got home, I taped the underside of the tiles together so they would not break apart and placed them on top of the no slip pad. My MacGuyver mat helped me complete the best Insanity workout to date. Victory!

But I’m not going to lie, I was way more proud of myself for figuring out the mat situation than completing such a hard workout.

What I’ve Learned About PCOS

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PCOS is a jerk. On top of that, it is mysterious and sneaky. I’ve known that I have PCOS for the last 8 years and I have spent A LOT of time researching it. Here are some of the things I’ve learned about this rude disorder from my own experience with it:

It’s Different in Everyone- Remember how you’d learn a grammar rule in English class and just when you had it down, your teacher said, “but here are the exceptions to this rule?” Yeah, that’s kind of what PCOS is like. Since it is a hormonal disorder and everyone’s hormonal makeup is unique, there is no one rule that defines
PCOS and how it affects people. As it stands, there are not many people even talking about PCOS. Unfortunately, a lot of the ones who talk about it do tend to think of it as a blanket disorder that can be lumped into one box. It is not. Some girls have facial hair…I do not. Some girls have thinning hair…I do not. Some girls get regular periods..I do not. Pay attention to your unique symptoms so you can find the right way to treat them.
Birth Control Does Not Cure PCOS-If you have PCOS and have been to a doctor, they probably tried to put you on birth control. While it might force a period and cover up some other symptoms like bad acne, it does not actually cure PCOS. As soon as you stop taking it, your symptoms will probably come back. Some people feel more comfortable taking the pill and that’s fine. In my PCOS journey, though, I found that birth control caused more trouble than it was worth.
It Doesn’t Define You-I have spent so much time hiding my PCOS. It made me feel ashamed and embarrassed. It made me feel like I was less than. I wouldn’t even bring it up because I didn’t want people to judge me about it. But guess what? It’s not my fault. I didn’t do anything to get PCOS. But it is definitely up to me to decide how I handle it. And I’ve decided that I’m tired of hiding it.
Eating Right and Exercising Does Help…Even If The Results are Slow-I have spent years killing myself with hardcore workouts. In fact, a nutritionist once told me that I work out at an athlete level. Unfortunately, the way I look does not reflect that. Believe me, I understand how frustrating it is to try to lose weight when you have PCOS. The second I stop exercising I start to gain weight. The PCOS weight loss struggle is full of disappointment. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it to keep doing your best. Eating right and exercising does help.
It Is So Important to Do Your Own Research-In my experience, a lot of doctors try to treat the effects of PCOS and not really the causes. Even if these treatments work temporarily, they very rarely have long-term success. If you do not feel like Metformin is the right course of action for you and your PCOS, do some research to find the right alternative therapy for your needs. I am definitely not saying you should avoid the doctor or even that you should disregard their medical advice. I’m just saying that it is important for you to spend some time researching so you understand what is happening with your body.

Finding the “Why”

The other day a friend asked me how I stay motivated to work out. Even though I have been exercising pretty regularly since I was 14 (I’m now 32), I had to stop to really think about the answer. The truth was, in all the years of popping in workout DVDs, doing dead lifts at the gym, or sweating my way around a track, I had never once asked myself that question. But knowing why you work out is almost as important as actually doing it.

At first I said, “I just make it a part of my routine and it’s easy to keep doing it.”

“No,” my friend said with a shake of her head. “That’s not what keeps you motivated. I’ve started and stopped working out so many times over the years, but you have always been really consistent with it. What’s your secret?”

I looked around the dimly-lit restaurant and wondered what the people around us would think if they could overhear this conversation. My friend has four children, but she is slimmer now than she was before she started having kids. I am much more on the curvy side and I found myself scrunching up a bit as if to hide my body as I thought about my real answer.

“Well, I guess part of it is that working out gives me the chance to turn my brain off for a while. I overthink everything. Literally everything. And I can kind of escape that when I work out,” I started.

My friend nodded and took a sip of her drink.

“But I don’t think that’s it,” I added. She turned her blue eyes back to me, ready to hear the next part of my answer. “I think that a big part of it is that I don’t want people to look at me and automatically think that I don’t ever work out. Inside I feel athletic and strong. I know I don’t necessarily look that way, though, so working out is my way to prove it to the world?” It comes out like a question because it’s not really something I’ve ever admitted out loud.

I, like many women in my age bracket, suffer from polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). This complicated name basically means that my hormones are out of whack and that my body does not process insulin the right way. Because of this, my periods have never been regular, I sometimes suffer from cystic acne, and, the hardest side effect for me, it is incredibly hard to lose weight and very easy to gain it.

Compared to some women who have PCOS, I know I have a very mild case. I do not have excessive facial hair and the hair on the top of my head is far from thinning. I do not have diabetes and I do not weigh anything close to 300 pounds. But I also know that my PCOS isn’t as severe as it could be because I spend so much time exercising.

One of the only times I noticed a significant decrease in my weight was when I went to school in Boston. At the time, I lived a mile away from the train, which meant I automatically walked two miles if I went anywhere during the day. Although I didn’t have a step counter back then, I’d estimate that I usually walked closer to seven or eight miles by the time I returned home for the day. A few times a week, I also ran a mile and a half in addition to the miles I walked. To top it all off, I did two Jillian Michaels’ workouts in one day. Although no Jillian workout is easy, my daily routine consisted of two of the most advanced DVDs.

That is an unsustainable amount of exercise to have to do just to see some results. To be fair, I was not really modifying my diet at all, but most people start to see weight-loss results if they just walk more than they normally do. Even with that level of physical activity, I wouldn’t have considered myself “thin.”

Throughout the past few years, I have studied a lot about nutrition. I’m still trying to find the right balance between what I eat and how much I work out. I have made a big effort to cut out certain foods that are bad for PCOS. Like dairy, which I just discovered

I’m allergic to anyway.

The more I thought about why I work out, the more I realized that the answer has many layers. In addition to everything I have already mentioned, working out also makes me feel strong. This strength is not all physical, however. In fact, much of it is mental. When I can successfully complete a workout with crazy moves like burpees, scissor jumps, military-style pushups, and jump lunges, it makes me feel like I can complete other tasks in my daily life. I notice if I skip a few workouts, my confidence starts to slip in other areas.

So, why do I work out? I do it because it’s a part of me and it makes the other parts of me better. I do it because I don’t want PCOS to dictate my life. I do it because, as crazy as it sounds, I find it fun. But mostly, I do it because I believe that I deserve more.

Getting in some steps with my dog Madigan