With a new catastrophe in the news almost daily and others on deck, it is easy to feel like we have little-to-no control over what’s happening around us.
And that thought terrifies me.
I have always been greedy about the levels of control in my life. Even when I was in college, I never felt the need to get blackout drunk and turn my mind off enough to make reckless decisions.
I hate sitting in the passenger seat of a car. I much prefer to drive or sit in the back so I can’t see what is happening in front of me. I like to be in control when I can because it makes me feel more balanced in a world that seems more off-kilter every morning.
The idea of control has been on my mind a lot lately, but I’ve been thinking about it differently than I usually do. And I’ve realized a few things about it:
Sometimes It’s Good to Loosen the Control Reigns
While it is important to feel in control of your life and your decisions, sometimes the best experiences occur when you back off and let loose. The first time I ever left the country, I went to Italy with a friend. We were nineteen and, although we weren’t stupid, we didn’t have much life experience. I kept a journal of the trip and the one line I really remember after all of these years is “the best parts of our trip happened by accident.”
In one of those instances, we met a guy from Argentina and decided to take the train from Florence to Cortona with him. Lucas spoke more Italian than my friend and I, and we completely trusted him to find us a taxi back to the train station. We didn’t know it until we were almost down the windy roads of the small village, but Lucas actually paid some regular guy to take us down the hill (this was way, way before the days of Uber and Lyft). I momentarily freaked out when I discovered this, but we ended up being fine.
When you travel, you have to give up control otherwise you will be disappointed. Going with the flow is the only way to ensure that you have a fun time. This is a good metaphor for life: sometimes it is just not possible to be in control and you have to be okay with it.
You Can’t Control Others, But You Can Control How You React to Them
I think a lot of people struggle with the fact that they can’t control what other people do, myself included. We will never be able to control what other people do, but we can control how we react to it. If someone cuts you off in traffic, it’s okay to be annoyed, but if you let it ruin your whole day, you are only hurting yourself.
Don’t take the actions of others so seriously that it starts to affect your life. Try to remember that everyone is doing the best they can and that they are not always in control of their circumstances, either. The only thing you can really control is what you do when you are faced with certain situations.
Control and Controlling Are Not the Same
I think it is important for each of us to feel in control of our lives—especially in relation to the present moment. That does not mean I think it’s necessary to be controlling of every interaction and circumstance that happens in your life, though.
Having control means that you are making active decisions to keep yourself moving forward. Being controlling means that you are trying too hard to make sure everything is done your way, even when it doesn’t specifically relate to you. I like being in control, but I never want someone else to feel like I am controlling.
Honor yourself and your emotions. Know that you have the power to change your present situation. Do not let yourself feel like a victim of your life. But don’t try to take away someone else’s control, either.
Just live, be present, be grateful, and always strive to be more.
