One Step Forward
I’ve been thinking a lot about setbacks. We all experience them, obviously, but I’m beginning to realize that they can be monumental for some and mere blips on the course for others.
When I really sit and reflect on myself, I think I’m a little bit of both of those people. I can stumble briefly over a setback and keep going on my path with a laugh. Sometimes, though, setbacks paralyze me from moving forward. It feels like there’s a concrete wall in front of me and the only way to move is to retreat backwards.
I saw a meme one time that said something to the effect of “you wouldn’t slash your other three tires just because one was flat, would you?” In terms like that, it seems silly to let a little bump derail you. It’s not always that easy to have that much self-awareness in the moment, however.
And All the King’s Horses
After years and years of paying really careful attention to my PCOS and making some important strides, I recently suffered a major hormonal setback. I left the comfort of a remote job and took a different position that requires me to go to the office every day. I know this is reality for most people, but it was a big change for me, and it was very jarring to my body.
Because I have a lot less control over my time, I have not been able to make myself work out consistently since I started the job in November. I started drinking coffee every morning as a little ritual to ease the new feeling of being around people at 8AM. I also used my larger paycheck to get gel manicures for three months.
None of these things might seem like big deals to other people, but for someone who is already hormonally compromised, these seemingly insignificant details created some large cracks in the progress I made. Since November, I’ve basically had the shortest cycle imaginable. As in its so short, there’s basically no end to it.
I know what I need to do to steady myself and return to the hormonal homeostasis I had before, but this setback has affected me more than most. I already watch every drop of food that goes into my body. I actively avoid wheat, dairy, and sugar, which, in case you didn’t know, are ingredients that are in practically everything. I don’t drink very much. I don’t smoke. I try to minimize stress and get enough rest. I take a bajillion supplements.
And yet, a few small things like going into an office every day, drinking coffee in the morning, and treating myself to biweekly manicures resulted in me getting my period for over a month. It does not give me a lot of inspiration to keep working so hard.
There have been moments where I’ve honestly considered slashing the other three tires and just eating whatever I want each day.
What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger
As tempting as it is, I’m not actually going to drown myself in a sea of bread and cheese. I’ve done a loooooooot of research, and I’m making some strides back toward balancing my hormones. And this time I want to do it in a way that they’re strong enough to resist a few attacks from the stressors of daily life.
My friend is really good at reminding me about how far I’ve come. She suffers from food allergies, too, and we’ve helped each other make a lot of progress when it comes to avoiding foods that disagree with our bodies. She pointed out the other day that it’s easy for her to be forgiving of me when I have setbacks, but that she realizes that she’s just as hard on herself about hers.
So here’s my attempt at turning setbacks into insignificant moments to which I hardly give a second thought: I’m going to try to talk to myself like I would talk to one of my friends. As I sit here and type this blog, I’m at Starbucks drinking a cup of coffee. And I had another coffee in the middle of the week. But I also took the time to make a liver detoxing smoothie every morning before work (to help my body get rid of some of its excess estrogen), and I ate a crap ton of leafy greens and sunflower seeds to actually help my hormones do what they want to do.
So I’m not going to be mad at myself about the coffee. I’m just going to try to keep moving forward and making the best choices I can make in the moment.
I also plan to keep a metaphorical spare tire on hand that I can use the next time I have a flat.
